A Leader’s Two Most Life-Sucking Words

June 4, 2012 · 4 Comments

Image of Two Empty Swings

When It’s Not Working Out

  • You’re waiting on your supervisor to do something about the problem you and your team deal with every day.
  • Circumstances changed and people no longer care about the brilliant product your department built.
  • The equipment you invested in three years ago never has produced the benefits you thought it would.

These situations present leaders with defining moments – huge leadership opportunities – that are too often lost.

Two Insidious Words

These words keep leaders from realizing their own strength and will drain the life from a team if you don’t manage them.

And the thing is, they are so easy to say…

“If Only”

  • “If only my boss would trust me…”
  • “If only people still cared about…”
  • “If only the economy hadn’t tanked…”
  • “Things would be so much better if only…”

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t feel this way at times.

It’s a normal part of the grieving process – bargaining with the universe and wishing things were different than they are.

Just Passing Through

But as a leader, you can’t afford to live in “if only”.

Living in “if only” is debilitating. It steals all your power and energy.

If you stay there, it will suck the life out of you and out of your team.

We all have our moments of “if only”, but leaders don’t live there.

Reclaiming Your Power

If you’re stuck in the life-draining clutches of “if only”, it’s time to reclaim your power!

1) Begin by acknowledging the truth:

  • Yes, your supervisor is reluctant to deal with that problem.
  • Yes, customers’ preferences changed.
  • Yes, the economy declined.

It’s okay to be sad, frustrated, angry, or whatever you feel when you acknowledge the truth of a situation.

If you don’t allow yourself to confront the truth of a situation, you can stay stuck an awful long time.

2) Now, take the next step by asking yourself a question:

  • What can I take responsibility for?
  • What outcomes are within my influence?
  • How can my team make a difference in this situation?
  • What will I do now?

In most situations, you will have next steps available to you once you stop wishing things were different and begin looking for things you can do.

But even if you determine that a situation is beyond your influence and you really cannot affect the outcomes, you will gain peace and the energy to work on things you can influence.

Share the Power

If you’ve been living in the land of “if only”, the most energizing words you can ever share with your team are:

“Yes, that situation isn’t what we would like…but, here’s what WE CAN do. Here’s where WE ARE strong. Here’s where WE CAN make an impact. Let’s get to it.”

You Might Like:

Take care,

David M. Dye

(Photo byJimPG2)

Subscribe today or join the discussion at: http://trailblazeinc.com/

****

I share twenty years experience teaching, coaching, leading, and managing in youth service, education advocacy, city governance, and faith-based nonprofits. I currently serve as Chief Operating Officer for Colorado UpLift and enjoy helping others discover and realize their own potential.

Filed Under: Leadership, Management · Tagged: , , , , ,